A Stroke of Luck: Sunday, December 23, 2012

From Hope to Healing

During Marc's time at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre in Toronto, Ontario, following a massive stroke and brain bleed, a friend suggested I start a blog. I'd been making notes each day and updating his progress on Facebook but after some thought, I realized that this could be something that Marc could later read to follow his journey back to health.

I thought it might also serve to help someone else. If it can help even one other person to recognize the signs of a stroke or to help a family member understand what happens during this battle, then it was worth recording.

This is Marc's story. It begins with our hope for his survival and follows his healing journey.

For those of you new to blogs, you can find previous posts in the Blog Archive on the right side of the page. Each post has the date so you can easily follow along day by day. Just click the one you want to read. This story starts on Saturday, December 8, 2012.

(To see the earlier blog posts, click on "2012" in the Blog Archive section and it will open the posts from December)

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Sunday, December 23, 2012 - The Patient Whisperer

I feel like today was my lowest day in a long time. I think it’s a combination of stress, grief, worry, exhaustion and the travelling back and forth from Toronto. Ashley had a day off work and came down with me but I'm afraid I wasn’t much fun.

I’m starting to feel like a fraud. Everyone keeps telling how strong I am but I felt anything but today. I want the transfer to Barrie to happen. I want Marc to stop stressing about finances. I want Christmas to go away since I can’t celebrate my favourite holiday this year. I want to stop crying. I want life to be back to normal. Too many “wants” left me feeling very selfish.

Ashley turned out to be the magic answer to Marc obsessing over finances. She stepped in and talked to him when I was out of the room. By the time I got back, Marc told me he was okay now and that he wasn’t going to worry about home and our finances any more. Ashley had very calmly listened to him and explained that worrying about it was just causing more stress on him and on me. She told Marc that I was handling everything just fine.

When we went for lunch, Ashley said she had just remained calm with him and explained that he didn’t need to worry. I was stunned. I’d been doing that all week long, day in, day out and it hadn’t worked. I think Ashley was bang on when she said, “Marc can get away with not listening to you because you are with him every day. It has more of an impact when someone else says you need to calm down and let it go.”

Ah, my new secret weapon. I had my very own “patient whisperer”.

The afternoon was much nicer. I had pulled up my big girl panties and Marc found new things to talk about.

At one point, I made him identify everything on the tray beside him. He couldn’t see the spoon in the furthest left position until I picked it up. I asked him to watch it as I put it down and just before I put it on the tray, he said, “How did you make it disappear like that?” He looked at me like I was David Copperfield. I’m sure he was wondering when I’d been able to fit in magic lessons.

While today wasn’t my most shining moment, it did make me resolve to calm down and let it go myself. I’m realizing that I don’t have to be perfect through this. I will try and allow myself to be human.

Give me strength.