Marc realized this weekend how very little he remembers of his time at Sunnybrook. We had a lot of spare time with no visitors other than his parents the past two days, so we talked about his memories.
We were talking about his progress over the past six weeks and I mentioned his first OT session at Sunnybrook. Marc looked puzzled as I was describing it. He has no memory at all of the session, the occupational therapist or that he was in the patient lounge on his floor during the assessment.
What Marc remembers vividly and talks about quite a bit are the dreams he had while sedated at Sunnybrook. Those seem absolutely real to him and make up the bulk of his memories of that hospital.
Marc doesn’t remember waking up the first time. He doesn’t remember squeezing our hands for the first time. He doesn’t remember his first time in a wheelchair.
We remember. Those memories are etched in our minds but not his.
I scrolled through the pictures on my phone and found the photos from his first trip to the patient lounge, sitting beside the Christmas tree. We talked about the changes in his appearance and I reminded him that on that day they had to lift him into a wheelchair using a mechanical sling. Even sitting up was difficult as he had no balance.
We looked at pictures of him on Christmas Day at RVH. He was so excited to be back in Barrie.
It was at this point that Marc pushed the phone away and said that he didn’t want to look at any more pictures.
“Why not?” I asked. “Are the pictures starting to upset you?”
“I’m just not ready to see them,” he replied. “I don’t recognize that guy. That’s not me anymore.”
He’s right. That is not him anymore. That Marc was struggling very hard to do the most basic of human functions.
This Marc, the Marc he is now, has surpassed all of that. This Marc is on a new journey and is reinventing his own life.
You loved that Marc and this Marc, Sandy, even if he doesn't remember. But that's OK. He was using all his energy to get better then. Thank goodness he did!
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